before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
