Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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