i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's never too late to be topless.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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