I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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