he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
