I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
