I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
