Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
