you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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