Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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