The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
home. puking in laundry basket.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's shark week go big or go home
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
