he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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