Just fell off a train. Bad.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
