You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
