she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
