i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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