Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
In America we eat man semen.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
