I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
