Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Im part way to drunk.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
