Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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