Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
