She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
