dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
