I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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