Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
