She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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