no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
