you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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