party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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