make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
