ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
