Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
