Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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