I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
