Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
