The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
