Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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