Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
