im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
