My hair reeks of homosexuality.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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