Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
