His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
