dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
