jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
