Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
