Sry I called you an 8
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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