i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
