First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
