The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
