I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
