My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
